Chapter 6: "That Makes Me Mad!"
The Bible says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to
speak and slow to become angry.” Why? “For man’s anger does not bring about the
righteous life that God desires” (James 1: 19-20). God wants us to live
righteously, doing what is right — by God’s standard, not ours. Our anger, God
says, is not going to bring about the kind of righteous life He wants us to
live. In practice, I’m often slow to hear (one might say “hard of hearing”),
quick to speak, and instantly angry. The latter is much more controlled at this
point in my life, but the “quick to speak” is too frequent, even yet.
……
Let’s look at a couple of the most obvious reasons we are
quick to speak and get angry. Many times when I stop to examine why I’m feeling
irritated, I discover it is because physically I’m tired or tense, or it’s the
difficult time of month; or emotionally my reserves are low; or spiritually I’m
drained. The first step, then, is to keep in control while I determine the
cause.
……
Another reason for anger is that we feel our rights have
been violated. Sometimes I get discouraged with how much of me is in me! I want
things my own way, in my time frame, at my pace, and at my convenience.
When I memorized Proverbs 13: 10, the lessons bombarded me.
It says, “Only by pride cometh contention” (KJV). I thought, Wait a minute
here! Can this possibly mean that whenever I feel contentious, upset, angry, it
is due to pride? That’s hard to swallow. So I began to check all my angry
feelings against this verse. Pride is an unduly high opinion of yourself;
exaggerated self-esteem. It is putting yourself and what you are doing ahead of
others and what they are doing.
……
But what about you? What is your special nemesis, or
downfall? Do you lose your temper when you’ve been cooped up with the kids all
day and your husband plunks down to read before supper? Are you grouchy for
three days when you don’t get your way? I know people who feel they are being
“real” and “open” when they explode and tell someone off in no uncertain terms.
Because they are being “honest,” the explosion is justified as being all right.
No. It is all wrong. Yes, we need to be honest. Yes, we need to be open. Yes,
we need to let others know what we are thinking. But not without being loving,
kind, and in control.
……
Resolving conflict takes self-control. I may be emotional (I
am an emotional person), but if I am out of control, I need to stop and back
off until I regain control. …
Some specific questions and guidelines may help us:
1. Do I
have valid cause for conflict? What am I really angry about? Is it merely a bad
mood due to something physical that will improve tomorrow? Could it be that I
am thinking only of myself?
2. Have both parties defined the conflict? Does everyone
clearly know what the issue is? Have we defined the conflict to the other’s
satisfaction?
3. Have I clearly stated what I want and need?
4. Talk and compromise until you come to a mutually
agreed-upon solution.
5. Keep short accounts. The apostle Paul advises, “Do not
let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a
foothold” (Ephesians 4: 26-27). Don’t let more than twenty-four hours pass
before resolving a conflict, even if it means coming back to it several times.
In the event of a major disagreement, at least agree to discuss it at a
specified time in the very near future.
……
Read Psalm 4:4, Proverbs
29:22, Ecclesiastes 7:9 and 1 Corinthians 13:4-5. In your own words what do these passages
teach us about our anger?
When are you most
susceptible to anger? Is it a time of
day? Is it a time of the year? Is it after someone has done something
specific? Read Proverbs 15:1, How can we
redirect our angry thoughts and actions
according to this verse?
Read Colossians 3:8 and
James 1:19-20, Today, take some time in
prayer to confess your anger and ask God to help you become "slow to anger
and slow to speak."
